Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
