I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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