you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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