Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
pray to the hookup gods
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
