bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
