Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm like, not good at living.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
