Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
