weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
