my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
