I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
