MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
bring money and cleavage
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
