I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
