I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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