I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
