All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
