my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
home. puking in laundry basket.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
