You were right. It hurts to walk today.
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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