I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
