it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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