Apparently you make a good broom.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
