I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just had sex on a roof
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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