____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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