Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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