I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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