Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
