We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
