i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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