What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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