There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
