i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Drake has all the answers
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
