You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
