Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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