Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
