i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
