I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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