I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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