I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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