No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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