now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
