What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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