sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
