my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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