Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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