We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
