dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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