Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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