u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
