i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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