so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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