toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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