Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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