I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
