i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
