Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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